ya know you are gettin old when you wake up and think.. omg what is TODAY?? lmao! well thats the way my days have been going.. so yesterday i woke up to a flat tire.. had to drive gregs match box car to work.. went home he had to plug the tire..then we had to go get the kids.. they were at their Granny's for the day.. then head back home.. however it was very nice to get home cook dinner and have NO where to go!!! i got clothes washed, dishes washed, bible study done..
so today my raging wild teenage girl is headed to see the Jonas Bros .. she is about to die with excitement however that excitement did not seem to cross her face when at 7 this am i was tellin her it was time to get up.. i was like its the big day..and she just kinda moaned and rolled over ..it was at this point that i realized unless Joe Jonas himself showed up in that room it was not gonna be an exciting morning.. finally they rolled out of bed and we headed out..
so its 9 am and ive already .. gotten gas, got them breakie, started to work, drank coffee, arranged to get tires tomorrow. and well i think its time for a break.. hence why im HERE! LOL
so who here is like me and has the 'im so tired i could die.. but my damn body wont fall asleep' syndrome? well thats me .. every single freaking night i get in bed.. i start watching damn George Lopez.. which i must add is a freaking hilarious show..if you never watch..catch it on Nick at Night at 10 & 1030.. (this is a NON paid advertisement lmao).. I GOT THIS!!!!!!!!! u have to watch the show to udnerstand.. so i play brickbreaker on the crackphone.. i smoke a cigarette.. i try to clear my mind.. empty my brain.. and BAM im wide the heck awake???!!! what is up with that?? i swear to you im not a real night owl.. im an old lady who gets tired as heck .. but soon as i hit the bed. in all its warmness and snuggleness.. im WIDE awake.. and dare i move.. cause my hubby would be very upset.. he has this thing that we need to always sleep in the same room! LOL (ok he loves me). so my brain starts to humming a million miles per hour.. i think about the clothes in the dryer, what time i need to get up, are the alarms set, what am i gonna cook for dinner, what do i have to do at work tomorrow, is the cat fed, are the sheets clean, is that a cricket i hear chirping outside, is there gonna be coffee in the morning, how fast can i lose 50 lbs, how i need to exercise, what am i gonna wear tomorrow, what shoes will match that, do i need to iron it, what needs cleaning, what needs putting away, are the kids packed for tomorrow, ......... and thats only a SMALL portion of my thoughts.. so tell me how do you cut the brain off? how do you make this stupid non stop race of life in my head go away?.. any tips.. cause if i count sheep all im gonna do is start naming those little suckers before long and omg.. we will be having conversations about the weather and what events are coming up and if we could have this or that for dinner this week..
its sad.. i swear to you .. maybe i need to keep a note book by my bed and take notes.. i swear in my head before i go to sleep i could accomplish MORE than a million tasks.. right from the comfort of my nice snuggly bed..too bad i dont have that magic samantha nose that i could wiggle and get it all done while its on my mind..
the even sadder part is.. i think all these things while im attempting to go to sleep ,.. but come the morning hell i cant find my keys.. much less think about what im gonna do! LOL.
on another note.. i am attempting to get my mind wrapped around how you really succeed at weight loss. for me weight has always been a struggle whether i was skinny or chubby or even fat.. its been a struggle.. food and what i am or am not gonna eat is usually always on my mind.. the guilt that comes with eating more than i should is always there.. the guilt that i should have exercised is always there.. the thoughts of what is and is not allowed is always there.. the fear of the binge is always there.. the deep rooted sick thoughts of GOD i wish i was just anorexic so i didnt have to eat.. struggling with body image and weight is probably the hardest thing ever.. i envy people who are comfortable in their own skin.. who can put on an outfit and feel good instead of constantly worrying about how big their butt looks or if their huge ass bat wings are flying.. i would love to not obsess over the massive dark circles i have (which comes form all that OVER freaking thinking at night..).. so im taking a different approach this time.. instead of concentrating on which diet im gonna follow or what i can and cannot eat.. im just THINKING about what i eat and why im eating it.. and how i can improve.. im taking a break and really considering AM i HUNGRY? or DO I JUST LIKE THE WAY THAT TASTES?? i mean really for those that do not have a food addiction you do not realize that just the way a certain food FEELS in your mouth is a good enough reason to eat it.. im slowing down in the way i eat.. i eat so fast that at times im not even sure i taste my food.. its a habit and im trying to break it..im doing smaller portions.. like instead of a plate a bowl or a salad plate.. im waiting before eating seconds.. im really considering.. what is the real reason i want this.. im drinking more water.. yesterday i also bought a new tea pitcher (mine was all leaky and nasty) and i made tea for the family (decaff) and im gonna try very hard to wean my hubby off his coca cola addiction.. i know its sweet tea..but its got less sugar than coke in it! .. my kids love soft drinks and they are not good for you.. so im trying.. gettin some of that caffenine out of their diet.. and im doing the same.. i have a huge coffee addiction as well.. that for themoment is NOT being worked on.. lol.. but im gonna take a different look at my life and really think about things instead of jumping and doing them..
im also gonna start finding at least ONE thing i like on myself daily.. i dont care if its my earlobe is looking awful hot today.. ONE thing is gonna be good! im gonna stop downing myself in front of my kids and be more aware of the words i use to describe myself..
well work is calling my name.. and i know this wasnt funny or cute or anything..but its whats on my mind..and
what the voices are saying today!
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