dammit...

thats been my word today.. i have felt like shouting it off the roof tops.. i swear its been busy as hell around here.. im iller than a snake.. i would like to go crawl in my bed and never ever get out for any reason whatsoever.. sugar withdrawal sucks ass..

my dear hubs is probably mad as hell at me b/c i emailed him to day and basically let him have it.. im sick and tired of always ending up being BLAMED for everything that happens.. i never do anything fast enough or clear enough or good enough or explain somethign enough or move it enough.. im just tired of it.. im doing all i freaking can and i cant do NO MORE!!!

im stressed out.. all this school shopping has me in a tizzy and im ready for it to be over.. the kids are CONSTANTLY asking when they are gonna get this or that.. and im trying as hard as i can..bill gives me no monetary help with anything.. and im just stressed beyond repair.. im so ready for it all to just miraculously come to an end.. maybe i do need to start playing the lotto!

who knows.. i hate feeling so stressed out and worked up and like this.. my haley bug is not having an easy time and thats bothering me alot.. a WHOLE lot..

then i get a call that they have a birthday party to go to tomorrow night and well of course i gotta go find a gift.. that should be fun.. hmmm.. i say a card with a happy birthday on the inside! cause im telling you this bank is tapped out..

i have however stayed away from sugar for 2 days.. the fact of course that the scales NEVER ever move for me.. but i am withdrawing i know b/c im ready to kill someone..

pray for sleep tonight.. pray for peaceful uninterupted sleep.. and pray that i hear the alarm clock.. i need my nasty attitude to be taken away.. i need to realize how thankful i should be for all the wonderful blessing i ahve in my life.. but right now im in the i feel like shit and i wanna crawl in a corner and cry mode.. i know its not a good place to be and i know i will eventuallyget out of it..

i know my husband loves me .. for goodness sakes i surely hope that yall dont think any different and hes so very very good to me.. anything i need i know i can ask and its done.. never a question.. never a pause.. i know that im taking care of .. i dont question that at all.. for me the biggest thing is just feeling appreciated for all i do.. i wanna feel like they see that i work my ass off night and day to make sure that everyone is ok.. instead of feeling like a door mat that just gets walked over daily .. one that they are thankful catches the dirt from coming in side but one that is forgotten so quickly and discarded to the side..

well time to go home for the day.. another day down.. another one to do tomorrow!!!

and right now i simply cant type what the voices are saying..because they are yelling too damn loud in my ear..

DAMMIT!