so i woke up this am and got on the scale.. my FIRST mistake.. shoulda just thrown that damn thing out the freaking window a LONG time ago.. yes i did eat some ice cream last night.. YES i did have a massive headache that went away after eatin said ice cream.. NO freaking way that would cause me to gain damn 3.5 lbs over night.. i give up!!! im so flipping sick of the battle and so flipping tired of the ups and downs..
i am however going to see the dr tomorrow and im gonna just flat out beg for him to do some further tests on me.. my PA told me last year that i would need to just DEAL WITH IT.. learn to LIVE with the way i feel and be ok.. i think shes CRAZY!!!.. its not fair that i feel like crapola 99% of the time.. i never ever ever EVER get enough rest and i walk around with dark circles that people would think that i forgot HOW to sleep! my head hurst.. im exhausted.. i cant think straight.. im depressed.. i cant lose this damn weight!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!
my anxiety is so much better i know b/c i do however function in life vs. falling apart and i know that its because of the lexapro.. it was a wonder drug for me.. but yet i still feel like crud.. i reallythought that once the anxiety was gone that i would start to feel like a million bucks.. but where is it at?? about about 999,999 short! i mean not to say that i feel so bad i cant function but its hard.. when i come home at night i literally have no energy at all..its all i can do to get up and get ready in the morning.. i am worried about how i will be once school starts and i have to leave about an hour earlier..
who knows.. its just gettin old and im gettin tired of being sick and tired..
this weekend is supposed to be good the weather is supposed to be nice and we dont have the kids all weekend.. im gonna feel so lost! we are going to see Boston and Styx with some friends..and i am looking forward to it.. and i know the kids are so excited about going to see their meme and papa .. and of course Uncle Cam Katie and Hayden!
well let me get back to the drudges of payroll .. i may pop back in later.. my mind is not in a good place and i really cant put my finger on it.. i know that ive been stressed out with all the custody stuff and with buying school supplies and figuring out how im gonna do it.. i know God continues to take care of me and im blessed by that! .. but i am so miserable with myself and im so miserable with my weight.. its just hard right now!!!
so the voices are doing alot of whispering behind my back.. and im asking them to stop!
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